Matrimony

 I had thoroughly enjoyed the advertisement made by the company "Jeevansaathi.com", where they depict the bride's father holding a turban and running behind every perspective groom, trying to see if he is the most suitable groom for his daughter. The best part is the questioning eyes of father to daughter when he symbolically places turban on the boy's head. the daughter's anguish is a separate hilarious subject to be discussed elsewhere.

Today we are in the process of looking for a suitable groom for our daughter and the sentiments of above mentioned advertisement resonate perfectly with us. When my husband and I married decades ago, it was clear to us that decision of marriage should rest entirely with the perspective bride and groom. The perfect story goes as " The boy meets the girl. They fall in love, their parents( supposedly the society) oppose the union, they both struggle to bring them on board,the loving couple wins, the marriage happens, and they live happily everafter."

But no one tells the other version of story which goes " the marriage happens, the mundane routine of life sets in, the couple worries about earning, the excitement goes down, comparison with friends and neighbours happen, differences of opinions surge , separating looks easy than carrying on and love turns ugly."

The story goes same whether it is a love, arranged or love-cum-arranged marriage. Though I personally believe the last one seems most sensible. Times have changed drastically with generations and even for majority of parents the best option is to let their children take the lead and decide for themselves. If you are one of the strict lot of parents, the best you can do is to tell them your boundaries with caste, status, religion etc and even give them various options but the final choice has to be theirs.

This seems like flying a kite, though far up but still tied to a rope. I am sure many wont't agree to this notion but we all know what happens to a kite if detached from its anchor. Hence we need to be their nudge and help them decide because whoever they choose, its never going to be perfect. Things will be messy and complicated in future(thats's for sure),but at least that way they will be carrying the responsibilty for their decisions.

No marriage is ever perfect. It is always "work in progress", provided both parties are willing to work upon it. For Gen Z this notion is slighly difficult to grasp hence parents need to be weights on their children's marriage certificate. Else the papers can easily drift apart.